I am socially impaired

I have lived in this “foreign” country for more than 7 years, or more properly, I have been an foreigner living in US for more than 7 years.

When I first got here, my roommate, also my best friend from high school, took care of everything for me: picking me up from the airport, renting the apartment, weekly rides to grocery stores, meeting new friends…..I had a easy start.

Then when she transferred to another school, I moved out to a different apartment with a friend she introduced me. My new roommate then started taking over her role in baby-sitting me: making phone calls (Gosh, you don’t know how scary it is to make a phone call in English, unless you’ve done it in a country that doesn’t speak your language), dealing with our phone company and apartment manager, rides to grocery stores…….

I did not have to confront the real world until my roommate got married and moved out.  Then, gradually, all those things, like making a phone call, that I thought I couldn’t do were not a problem any more. Phone calls were still not a pleasant thing to do, but they were not scary any more. I was independent, in many sense, in the last four years. 

Unfortunately, independence is not something that once you’ve got it you will always have it. You have to exercise it, maintain it and strengthen it. Otherwise, it will fade away, like your muscle weakens when you don’t use it regularly.

I got married and was gladly to be kept in the past year. My independence started fading, the moment I became a housewife, so did my social skills. I don’t make phone calls, deal with our property manager, or make reservations any more; I am afraid of going to grocery stores alone, going to see doctors alone, talking to my neighbor to thank her for the bread she gave us, and I am not even comfortable to ask our friends to dine out with us.  So when Ross asked me to do something for him, after a year of losing social skills, I screwed up.

Where am I?

Where is this independent girl who crossed an ocean and managed to live her life in a foreign country? Where is this girl who used to have a lot of friends and be the glue of her group? Where is this girl who believes she can do a lot of things? Where is this girl who enjoys being alone?……

I don’t know who I am any more.

I am just a dependent, and socially impaired.

 

 

elf7
2011年08月24日
Home, GNV, FL