Leaving without judgment

刚结束一段长达近2个小时，混杂了各种情绪的谈话（电话的），异常疲惫，有要fall apart 的感觉。可是下午睡了2个小时加上这2个小时情绪，我的大脑异常活跃。只好，爬上床，拿起Barbara De Angelis的13年前写的《Real moments》,翻到昨天看到的那一页。

Making the Passage to Wholeness

Turning away from who you have been should always be done with love. After all, the birth process begins nine months earlier with an act of love.  So too must your passage to wholeness begin not as a negation of your past, but an affirmation of your future. It’s not a question of determining what is good or bad in your life, but rather, what is serving you and what is holding you back.  Just because you choose a new path does not mean the old path was a bad one.  Just because you take a new direction does not mean the old way was the wrong way.  Just because you take on new values does not mean the old values were corrupt.  We must learn to say no without having to make what we are leaving behind wrong, or make ourselves wrong for having not left sooner.

 

Leaving without judgment is especially difficult to do when, in order to grow, you must say no to people or activities for which you feel a lot of love.  Sometimes the love is so strong, you become afraid that you cannot leave if you still feel it, so you try to kill the love in order to get the courage to break away.  I see many people do this in relationship—they know it’s time to go on, but it hurts too much to do it while they still feel so much emotion.  So they talk themselves into hating their partner, or in the case of work, hating their job.  Then leaving is easier, because they don’t feel the pain of loss.  But in the end, they robbed themselves of the love they nurtured for so long.

 

Nothing has to be wrong with what you’ve been doing for you to make changes in your life.  It can just be the right time.   

 

真是巧，不是吗？在结束一段痛苦地有关告别过去的对话后，我就看到了这个。如果，我能早一些看到，是不是就不会那么痛苦？或许，但是，很显然，命运要我先体验过痛苦后，才给我答案。所以我没有在3年前开始读这本书，学会用作者充满智慧的观点来成长，也是因为所经历过的痛苦和挣扎，都是我注定要学习的东西。

 

我们很多人，都习惯或者说学会了，为避免伤痛，用今天的不堪去否定曾经有过的所有美好。

 

我们都知道，是离开的时候了，不是吗？我们可不可以去试着在离开的时候，不要有委屈，不要有怨恨，不要有不甘？我们是不是可以，试着学会仍然珍视曾经的美好？我们是不是可以，试着学会对别人，对自己多一些宽容？

 

我知道，我们都知道，这个世界并不宽容。就算你要从心底拿走一个人，就算你的生活已经一团糟，就算新的压力不断把你压得快要无力支撑，苛刻的人依然看你怎么都不顺眼，挑剔的人依然攻击你说的每一句话，房东还是要卖房子，功课还是要做，老鼠还是要喂，猫沙还是要换，哦，跑题了…….我们老怪别人不宽容，自己却不会审视一下自己对别人，又有多少的宽容。

 

晒黑的那只猫对我说“别老想别人为你做了什么，要问自己能给别人什么”，多么心灵纯洁的猫啊！自此，这句话就常常在我脑海走来走去，特别当我有所抱怨的时候，非常有效。

 

每个人都很忙，都很委屈，都很无奈，都很失望，都很沮丧，都很伤心……..但是，那都不能成为不对别人宽容的理由。

 

在我忙了熬到那么晚，委屈地又饿了，只好不顾会不会积累脂肪无奈地去找东西吃，却很失望地发现没什么可吃的，在颇为沮丧地回到床上，伤心地想着明天懒得去超市所以还会没得吃的时候，我提醒自己，要宽容，要leaving without judgment.

      饿。。。。。。。。